The real encyclopedia

Phone to mouth

2007-08-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

I got a question about Nokia E70 phone.
There's a rumor that this is the only Nokia phone that doesn't fit into human mouth.
I got it inserted to test persons mouth and I have to say that there's no problems fitting it in when the keyboard is closed.

Revolution of the real encyclopedia

2007-08-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

Dear all,

this is an open letter to all internet users in the world. I'm truly sorry that my tight schedule has led to a pause in stream of information. This cannot continue which is why I will write a new part of encyclopedia on next week. This is a promise that will not be betrayed.

Sincerely yours,
Ossi

The reason for silencium and a newsletter of a new product

2007-01-16T07:28:00.000-08:00

Question:
Why hasn´t there been any new Q&A´s during the past month?

Answer:
The problem is that at the moment most of the problems in this world are solved.
I have spent the last month trying to create more problems so that the demand for this type of encyclopedia would remain. Other option would be to expand this to other galaxies which still have unsolved problems.

I haven´t decided which road I will follow. Fortunately, I can guarantee that the problem solving continues.

NEWSLETTER

I have thought of creating a call service where I could give immediate answers to any kind of questions and problems. I have noticed that as a media, this kind of encyclopedia can be to slow and rigid. I have already patented this service and the future will show its destiny.

Few examples of phone service:
In a bar, you think: Should I order a gin tonic or a blue angel?
Call and hear my answer: Gin tonic, of course.

In school, you wonder: Is the next lecture worth of going?
Call and hear my answer: Probably not, ask tomorrow the key points from the most dutiful girl student you know.

Walking on a street, you notify someone greeting you. You don´t recognize him/her and you wonder if you should greet him/her back.
Call and hear my answer: Always greet people who greet you. Otherwise you´ll find yourself in a situation where you´re not seeing greetings any more.

In case you´re interested in buying these type of services, contact me.

Christmas season

2006-11-26T05:25:00.000-08:00

Question:
How do you when christmas season starts?

Answer:
You can check the start of the christmas season from people´s gestures.
Most of the people have understood the exact meaning of christmas and stop being nice to fellow citizens. They stop smiling and start to stress about everything related to this joyful celebration period.

People start walking faster, they are busier than a month ago. Three days before christmas eve, everybody´s running. They drive more aggressively with their cars and show ugly faces, sometimes also fingers. They are also buying more things so that they could achieve this state of mind.After all, everybody knows that happiness rises from the ashes of your credit card bills.

He found out that Santa died in a sleigh accident six years ago.
Also the spirit of christmas passed away in the same accident.

PART IV: What if the world was a perfect place?

2006-11-14T04:35:00.000-08:00

I received a letter (what a great thing that people still write letters) asking the following question:
What if the world was a perfect place?
The answer lies between your eyes and your LCD display:

At first, if the world was a perfect place, there would be more beavers.
As an animal, beaver is a good example of a happy creature. Building and building, without a real reason to build. It doesn´t questionize its reason to live or its function on the earth. It just builds. It shows us how we really don´t need to think further.

Most certainly, in a perfect world, there would be more beavers.

A beaver.

In a perfect world, money would matter more. Like everyone knows, communism never succeeded because human beings are greedy animals. The problem with the capitalism is that not everyone is greedy enough. In a perfect world everybody would put the money on the highest place on their personal podium and capitalism would finally work. How can we ever save this planet if all of us aren´t thinking about just money?

Rupert Murdoch thinks about money.

In a perfect world, everybody would be the same. The problem in this unperfect world is the diversity. There are too many kind of people, too many different ways to see things and too many different opinions. Most of the people have to spend their days arguing with people who disagree with them. With people who are wrong. Those people don´t understand. They say that diversity is a richness. It is not true. It creates bad mood and also children with three hands.

Order Jim Wootens book "We are all the same" from Amazon.com.

In a perfect world, milk cans would be like balls. They would always be in balance and never fall.

No more milk on the table.

Third part: Kebab animal

2006-10-31T07:06:00.000-08:00

One month ago, I received an e-mail from a restaurant in Northern Poland.
The subject of the mail was the Kebab animal. The owner of the restaurant wanted to know where is the Kebab animal from and how should you feed it.

This time the research has taken some time and I haven´t been able to write an answer before I was completely sure of every detail. Because of this question, I had to travel to southern Turkey and live there two weeks with nomads.
Answer comes here:

PART III: THE ORIGIN AND THE FEEDING OF KEBAB ANIMAL

Kebab animal is distant relative of reindeer and moose. 50 years ago people believed that Kebab is actually a child of moose and reindeer, little bit like a mule is a child of horse and donkey. That is not true. Kebab is an gender of its own.

The first kebab animals were seen three thousand years ago at the mountains between Turkey and Iraq. The nation of Kurdis still uses Kebab animal to do some hard work when a donkey or a horse is too big to be used. Kebab has the size of a dog but it looks a bit like a reindeer without any hair.

During the past three decades, Kebab animals have spread to other parts of Europe, most of them living nowadays in Germany. There is also other species related to Kebab, called Döner Kebab. That is a bit smaller but much more meaner animal.

You should never feed Kebab animal. It is an unanticipated beast and it´s very difficult to predict its movements. However, if you feed it, you should do it with youghurt. It will make it much more easier to approach and you should whisper the word "Iskender" at the same time.

I hope this answer shuts down your thirst of information about Kebab animal.

False information in the web

2006-10-23T02:53:00.000-07:00

An article in last weekends NYT reveals how many people try to cheat people by writing false information in form of correct information. It tells about Hikipedia (http://hiki.pedia.ws/wiki/Etusivu) which is an unresponsible web site spreading unresponsible information.

As you know, on this site you can always trust on the information because it´s written only by me.

The third part of this encyclopedia is on its way to be published soon.

The Second part: NOBEL PRIZE

2006-10-04T03:13:00.000-07:00

I've got many interesting e-mails from all around the world and it was not easy to decide which subject I should discuss. The reason I chose this topic was the urgency. The writer told me that he has serious problems trying to figure out what is this mysterious Nobel Prize all the newspapers are writing about. That is why I´ll give the complete information I have about the Nobel prize.

THE NOBEL PRIZE

The Nobel Foundation was established in 1900. The first 42 years the name of the foundation was The Noble Foundation. The founders, rich Russian land-owners, didn´t want to be mixed with Alfred Nobel, a swedish scientist mostly known of inexact information, who later bought the foundation and changed its name. Originally, the idea of the foundation was to collect money from relatives of ill people and invest the money in developing of curing medicines. Later the local milises found out that the money was mostly used to develope a potable alcohol which had more than 96% of alcohol. They succeeded and nowadays it´s mostly used in the western parts of Moscows subway network.

When the foundation changed its owner, the nature and function were totally reformed. The foundation started to give these "prizes". They give the "prizes" in 9 different categories, which are the following ones:
Physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine, gymnastics, literature, peace, economics, handling of a gun and wood-handwork.

The prize is given in gold and depends on the weight of the prize getting persons husband or wife (only the first one so you can´t play with re-marrying). This is why you can see people eating huge loads of food even in the buffet dinner where the nomination is announced. Two years ago they added doping tests two the rules of foundation cause there had been rumours of steroids involved the contest.

The committee which selects the persons who get the prize, is lead by man named Art B. Handicraft. He is a distant relative of Alfred Nobel and also the chairman of the board in foundation. He lives in the southern Sweden with three former Miss Sweden candidates who are sisters. In Sweden they know him also as "Big Brother" because he is the Big Brother in this notorious TV-show.

Normally, the competitors go through three rounds in the final nomination ceremony. Those are the evening dress, swimming suit and leisure suit rounds. Swedish nomination committee observes every round and gives the competitors their starting points. These points are added to their own substance area.

Physics prize:
This prize is given to the person who has the best physics. Arnold Schwarzenegger won this prize after winning the Mister Universum prize. This is also the only category where a family has won the prize. Every member of Family Curie was very physical so the committee decided to give the prize to whole family.

Physiology or medicine prize:
Normally they give this prize to people who are using a lot of different medications. It´s a kind of motivation prize, like "keep on going"-type. I don´t know why they have this physiology part added there because it has nothing to do with the prize.

Chemistry prize:
This is the most mystical of the prizes. For the past 20 years the winners have been drawn out of the hat. Most of them have had nothing to do with chemistry, except one high school chemistry teacher from Austria who won the prize 1992.

Gymnastics prize
This prize is given to person who has the best gymnastics skills. It is normally tested in the Nobel gymnastic contest, held in August. It includes apparatus gymnastics, track and field, orienteering, Finnish baseball and avoiding the shower.
Each competitor has to wear jeans. The winner normally gets to Olympics without any other qualifications.

Literature prize
Every other year they give this prize to the person who reads the most books and every other year to the person who writes the most books. The quality of books has nothing to do with this prize. Book has to have at least 14 pages to be count as a book.

Peace prize
Surprisingly, the peace prize has been missing last six years, so they haven´t been able to give it to anyone. There are plenty of rumors about the location of the prize and the committee supposes that UN has something to do with the disappearing. They assume that in the next few years UN will try to sell the prize in black market and buy guns with the money.

Economics prize
This prize is given to the person who lives the most economical life. Since 75% of the people in the world are living in poorness, this is always a hard pick. Last year this prize went to Finland but the winner never got his prize. This middle aged workman from a paper factory did not dare to take a day off from his work on the ceremony day.

Handling of a gun prize
This is a kind of a legacy prize because in Russia this is a normal way to celebrate christmas. Everyone can take part in gun handling contests which normally last days and are very sophisticated. Don´t confuse this to Russian roulette which is the most common reason of the death in Russia. It is commonly known that no person has ever died in gun handling contest.

Wood-handwork prize
This is the newest prize and it´s the most fascinating. Some people think that it´s given to the person who carves the finest wooden handwork. This is not true. The prize is given to the person who can eat the biggest wooden handwork.
78% of the winners have died the same night.

The Nobel Prizes are all given this week. After this weeks starts the celebrating week which lasts two weeks. Then the winners normally get divorce from their fat husbands or wives and celebrate another two weeks. Also the selection committee celebrates with the gold which is left from the ceremony.

The questions from Nobel or Noble prizes can be left to the comments section where you can entry from the link below.

Has Bill Gates got something to do with this blog?

2006-10-01T01:42:00.000-07:00

Quote from Helsingin Sanomat kuukausiliite, October (monthly magazine of Helsingin Sanomat):
Writer: "Could Wikipedia get a rival?"
The writers´ of Wikipedia: "Maybe Bill Gates could found a competitor".

I know what everybody´s thinking now. But I can assure that Bill Gates has nothing to do with this project. You don´t have to worry about that.

Project continues

2006-09-30T04:08:00.000-07:00

Many people have encouraged me to continue this revolutionary project.
Writing of the second part will start tomorrow, so in case that you want to affect on the subject, please leave a comment or send a mail. Otherwise I´ll choose the subject by myself.

The first part: Building a 300 square meters ice igloo

2006-09-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

I got a very long and profound email from Armenia (former part of Soviet Union), asking if I could share my complete information of the following topic: how to build a 300 square meters ice igloo?

The person who sent this mail, told that there exists a very little amount of free information about building igloos. He assumed that the reason might be either in shortage of internet cafés in Greenland or sticky and icy keys which prevent people´s writing with keyboard. Whatever the reason, I must agree that there isn´t enough information of this subject in internet. After a quick look, I can also express my opinion that the found information is absolutely poor. I assume that the reason is the general stupidity of the igloo builders. In wikipedia, my biggest rival, there is something about building igloos but the whole process is shamefully badly analyzed and the igloo is terribly small there. Therefore I must take the subject to my complete examination.

BUILDING A 300 SQUARE METERS ICE IGLOO
The building of igloo starts from purchasing the ice. On the contrary from some of the information you might have, igloo is not built of snow but from pure 100% ice. If you are a rich igloo builder, you might go and shop the ice. There exists artificial ice which could also be used in igloo building. Building an igloo from this artificial ice is not a natural way and will produce side effects (e.g. smoke and eventually melting).

Otherwise your options are a) stealing the ice OR b) fabrication of the ice by yourself. You also might go to the nearest drink bar and ask if they have a machine for ice cubes. Though I must warn that these cubes will be probably very small and you have to be either very patient or attach them together with glue or very cold air.

If you decide to steal the ice, I recommend stealing it from the government. There hasn´t been reports anywhere in the world of criminalization the stealing of ice when it´s not happening on private land. Anyway, if it would be the case and you would be accused of stealing the ice, the compensation should be quite low since ice is not a stock item. A tip: Don´t steal the ice from the North Pole because nature activists are already very worried about its melting and you might find yourself fighting against Greenpeace boat (they have harpoons).

Fabrication of ice is a more difficult process. First you have to have an access to a large amount of water. Those living by the side of sea, lake or river don't consider this as a problem but others living for example in Armenia, might find it problematic (there is no rivers in Armenia). Other significant problem is the temperature which should be below zero celcius grades. This problem can be solved by buying a powerful freezer. When using a freezer in construction phase, you should remember that it is not very sustainable solution if the constructed building is built to a very hot place. This problem can also be solved with a very big tent-a-like freezer which is used in Kemi, Finland during the summers. This is a very expensive solution and consumes a lot of energy. This is why I recommend building the igloo near big waterfall. That´s how you can solve both, the water and the energy problem (even though there is now rivers in Armenia, there is one mysterious waterfall).

When you have solved the water and the temperature related problems, you can either consult an architect or do the drawings by yourself. I must warn you that there is an outstanding amount of fake architects in igloo building business. Luckily, you can easily recognize them from their outfit. They always use ice bear furs and also have very long and thick moustaches, a bit the same like walruses have. Don´t trust these cheating architects since your igloo might fall down in a month and cause serious injuries (or even hundreds of deaths).

Drawing a layout for your igloo by yourself is not a demanding mission. Igloos are traditionally round and have only one room, so you don´t have to worry about amount of bedrooms or the location of the kitchen. A very few igloos have electricity or running water inside, although you can also include these in your igloo if you find them important. Running water must stream in pipes since it might otherwise melt your igloo. Electricity must be 230V, because 110V can be harmful to ice.

When the layout is ready, next comes the hiring of labour. You shouldn´t try to build the igloo alone because it can be very dangerous and time taking. While hiring the labour, you should think through the following things:
- nationality of labour (people from North Africa are not recommended since they are not usually familiar with ice)
- costs (hiring more people will probably be more expensive than hiring less people, depending also on nationality)
- security (all the insurances don´t cover building of igloos)
- experience (it helps if hired people have worked in construction or ice business before)
- juridical matters (hiring a lawyer early will help if you´ll have troubles with fake architects or with the workers union)
- workers eyesight in the dark (it is easier to build igloo in the night when it´s colder and the sun and the ice don´t combine the eye-killing impact)

When you're ready with all the preparations, next comes the building phase. Measuring the surface area is easy. In 300 square meters igloo the radius is round about 9.77 meters. You have to cut a rope of this measure and put one of the people you have hired to stand in the middle of the imagined igloo, rope in his hand. Then you just walk around him with the other end of the rope (rope has to be tight!)and draw a line which will be the wall of the igloo. Very easy.

After this it´s even easier. Basicly you just put ice on top of the ice below it. Proceed spirally and let the radius get smaller and smaller. Otherwise you will have just ice walls in the end and you have to invent how to make a 300 square meters flat ice roof. I once tried that and 32 people got seriously injured.

Questions that remain a bit unclear and which I will discuss some time in the future:
- using of rental staff in igloo building, can they commit enough?
- how to get rid of the fake architect if you notice later that you have hired one?
- can you freeze vodka and make a 300 square meter igloo out of that (and is it safe to lick it)?
- will these igloos be the building trend when the population of the world has reached 15 billions and people are forced to move to Antarctica?

You can comment this subject to the link below (if you want), although I doubt that you would have anything useful to add to this complete analyze.

The success has begun

2006-09-23T01:33:00.000-07:00

Success has already begun. You can see there's a counter of visits to this block at the sidebar (which is also a bar in Brno, Czech). If you click the Y-counter, you can see the amount of visits at this web page. The only bad thing is that the counter is not very accurate and it will round off the visits to the nearest thousand. I must say that I´m satisfied to the 16 000 visitors on the first day, especially when the opening party was a failure.

First part is almost ready and will be published even sooner than I promised last time.

The opening party

2006-09-19T04:06:00.000-07:00

The opening party of this blog was a real catastrophy. All the invited people (I invited all the people but no celebrities were invited) were "busy" doing their "things". I was alone sitting in front of firewall and trying to keep out couple of tv-celebrities from Big Brother.

In spite of this disappointing start, I won't be discouraged. I know there is a huge demand for this type of blog and this will be an unseen success. After 1 week, you can read my quotes from Helsingin Sanomat, after 2 weeks I will be interviewed in Ajankohtainen Kakkonen and after 3 weeks you will find 1 000 000 hits from Google with my name. I will also have very serious moral debates with myself after receiving so many offers from companys who want to buy advertising space from my page. I decide to stay independent and continue living poor but proud. After 1 month I will consider stopping this blog, cause the popularity has started to drive me mad.

The idea of this blog is simple. I will share information of the things I happen to have a very good knowledge. I got this idea while reading an interesting book I bought on my last visit to Miami airport. You could say this idea is rudely copied from elsewhere but I won't let that disturb. I also know that for example Wikipedia is a same kind of service and a very popular one (Wikipedia is open encyclopedia where people can share information they have). Neither that won't put me down. The advantage of this encyclopedia is my never-ending knowledge and enthusiasm. You can also be 100 percent sure that all the information here will be very accurate and you never have to doubt the source while getting the information from here.

This encyclopedia will work in the following way:
1. You notice a will inside you to find information about certain topic.
2. You search the nearest "internet" and open the browser.
3. You type down the address: therealencyclopedia.blogspot.com.
4. Now you have two options: you can either browse the page and try to find the information you need. OR you can push "control+F" and type down the keyword of your topic. Browser will now try to find the topics containing the keyword.

In case that you won't find the topic you were looking for, you can write an email to me and ask if the topic will be discussed in the future. Also, in the "links" section you can see other services that people are currently using when searching information. I cannot guarantee that the information you'll find from those links, has the same quality than the information on this page will have.

The background of this page is clearly white, so that you can easily bluff your boss by saying that you´re writing a very important memo of what so ever (don't repeat these exact words). That´s how you can achieve faster results in your work duties by using this encyclopedia and no one will find it out.

The first part will be published soon.